Dogs of Shebnation: Meet Jasper

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This is Jasper. He lives in the Skokes at chez Shebnation. As you can see, he is a very abused dog. One look at this face and you would expect to hear the bereaved voice of Sarah MacLachlan, entreating you to donate money to animal welfare causes. What did we do to cause this poor animal to suffer so? Well, his favorite human, Zach decided that he wanted to use the loo in private. So Jasper sat outside the bathroom door and made this face.

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And now what terrible thing did we inflict upon this poor creature? Why, we provided him with the entire couch on which to sleep along with pillows and a comfy quilt. We are horrible people. Alert the authorities.

Besides neglecting and abusing poor JJ, as he is known, we provide him with toys which he promptly destroys. Here is his hidey-hoo (don’t ask).

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gross

Who doesn’t love picking up or vacuuming around such a thing? Also, talk about abuse, his once favorite toy, the puffin, now is a water-logged bug infested nightmare outside…

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what the hell did this puffin do to deserve such a fate?

I suppose I should launder the puffin before he comes back into favor and comes inside the house in this condition.

Jasper knows a few words. One of his favorite words is bacon. He goes ballistic for bacon. You cannot even say that word in the house. You have to fucking SPELL it! Of course, we are awful because we don’t provide JJ with bacon. This is because, according to the vet, he is fat. Sorry JJ.

JJ also knows how to bite and lift the mail slot, and then attack the mail that comes out because the bad mail lady put her scent on it. Sometimes you have to  grab important chewed mail from him, and then it is full of teef marks.

 

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